Thanks yes you are right will fiddle with this a bit more Bw Sally J
>From: Christina Fletcher <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re sub: Deception
>Date: Sat, 13 Mar 2004 06:53:01 EST
>
>Hello Sally. I really like this. It might be worth fiddling with line
>breaks and punctuation to make a smoother read. I'm not sure about 'of' at
>the end
>of L2. Do you need 'the' in 'it wipes the spit' - 'wipes spit' sounds more
>venomous to my ears. That worn out sponge, the dripping kisses are
>smashing
>images.
>bw
>christina
>
>
>
>Deception
>
>Deception tastes like a worn out sponge
>it wipes the spit from the corner of
>the mouth were kisses drip
>mops the hollows of eyes were
>salt lakes collect
>but inside were empty promises bleed
>it can never reach.
>
>sally james
>
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