Dear All,

Thank you all for your replies on my ‘ego free’ drawing project.  I have now 
finished this particular module and am now formulating ideas for my final 
masters project.  I thought it would be worthwhile posting on the DRN some 
of the conclusions and ideas about the result of completing the exercise, 
and explain some of the drawing projects that I did in the pursuit of that 
elusive ‘ego free’ image.

The project lasted for approximately 60 days and during this time I 
endeavoured to draw the same object (a metal beaker) every day.  The idea 
was that in doing this the drawing and the object itself would subsume the 
subjective desires of my ego and negate its influence in the drawing 
process.  The resulting 60 drawings all looked roughly the same and worked 
within a particular set of parameters.  So up to a point this exercise was a 
success and I think we can safely assume that the ego was placed to one 
side.  The problem lies with the reality of the exercise not being able to 
deliver to the same level as the idea.  I found it increasingly difficult to 
find the motivation for continuing with the drawings, and in the end it was 
only my own bloodymindness that got the job done.

I also stated that the ego was the means that we able to define our 
identities, it is the instruction manual that we employ to make sense of the 
external world as it intercedes in our lives.  To this end I asked some one 
to buy a model kit and take out the instructions and any evidence that would 
give me some external idea as to the form that the model should take.  I 
then proceeded to build the model.  My initial reaction to seeing the bits 
and pieces that made the model was one of disappointment as I immediately 
recognized not only what it was, (a plane) but also what sort of plane it 
was (a F117 stealth fighter).  But I thought that this was going to be 
inevitable so I set about making the model.  I was confronted with the 
dilemma of should I try and make the model according to how it should be or 
should I just stick the bits together in whatever order I thought looked 
most pleasing.  As I started my desire to conform won out and I began making 
the model in the way I thought it should be, this was ok as long as it was 
obvious where the pieces were supposed to go, but once I was confronted with 
pieces which I had no idea where they were supposed to go things quickly 
changed.  I thought that it was crazy to just follow what I thought was the 
right course of action when I had absolutely no idea what that was.  Wings 
were glued to the back of the fuselage and the pilots seat on top of the 
cockpit rather than in it.  The result was ‘stealthfighterish’ whilst quite 
clearly working outside of what it should have looked like.  It became 
obvious to me that whilst I could take steps to take my ego out of my work 
the fact that I could quite easily step back into employing it meant that I 
could not be truly ego free.  I know that this is not exactly ‘drawing’ but 
I think parallels can be drawn between this exercise and the practice of 
drawing.

Other exercises included looking at the nature of subjectivity and 
objectivity within a single image and deciding as to where exactly the ego 
lies in understanding an image, on the part of the artist, the viewer, or 
the image itself.  I would have liked to have included images with this 
posting but the practicality of doing so prevents me from doing this.  If 
any one would like to see some of the work made maybe I could send it to you 
individually, let me know.

The ego is an inherent part of our human make up.  It develops shapes and 
forms our identities as it matures and as we grow older.  We cannot deny its 
existence and its role.  It is shaped and formed as the external world 
engenders experiences and helps us understand the nature of these 
experiences.  Without it we are lost in sea of chaos, there is no means to 
identify where the internal and the external meet.  This does not mean that 
images cannot be produced in such circumstances, look at the art of Franz 
Xaver Messerschmidt and Sister Gertrude Morgan.  But the last conclusion I 
made about the desire for ego free drawing is not whether it is possible, 
but WHY would anyone want to make such an image.  I found the ego to be 
useful and vital tool in my understanding of the world that I am passing 
through.  Without it all I am left is utter confusion that is impossible to 
sort out.  The raw material that makes up my identity needs an ego to shape 
and form what I try to express through my work.  By not employing it I am 
committing nothing more than psychological suicide.

There are other aspects of this exercise that I would like to post but the 
issues outlined here are the main conclusions I made during this project.  
If any one agrees or disagrees with my conclusions please feel free to 
comment.  I look forward to hearing from you.  Hope you all have had a happy 
Easter.

Rob Birch

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