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Subject:

Re: sub - it's valentines(Frank)

From:

Colin dewar <[log in to unmask]>

Reply-To:

The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>

Date:

Sat, 15 Feb 2003 13:07:59 -0000

Content-Type:

text/plain

Parts/Attachments:

Parts/Attachments

text/plain (76 lines)

I too was puzzled by "at twinkle". At first I thought it must be a typing
error but then it recurs in the last stanza. The way I read and hear, it
becomes condensed to "atwinkle". If so I feel an amendment coming on. How
about, "I'm watching stars twinkling above my head"? This would be simpler,
without loss of meaning. Or simpler still, "I'm watching stars". I assume
that "it's valentines" is short for "it's valentines day".

Also, I'm perplexed by the lack of punctuation which slows me down, going
through the poem without any compensating benefits. Forgive me if this is a
cool and modern thing to do, but it feels like an arbitrary change in
language and I wonder what the rationale is(?)

I like the serenity exuded by this poem.

Colin

----- Original Message -----
From: "Frank Faust" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, February 14, 2003 12:23 PM
Subject: sub - it's valentines


it's valentines
I'm watching stars
at twinkle right above my head
they seem happy there
as far as I can tell
the bodies on the street
are coupled up
and walking close
contentment
in the state of mind
the slow strolling of their feet
reveals they're taking time
on valentines

the people I was with tonight
said we must be
the last unromantic ones
who leave partners behind
to amuse themselves alone
while we
are our annual
let's get together once a year
this time
on valentines

now they've all gone home to bed
and I
could do that too

I guess I will

but first

I have some stars to watch
at twinkle
right above my head
they seem happy there
this valentines

~

Frank



The Tales of Faust poetry page can be found at:
http://www.tales-of-faust.com/


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