Dear Arthur,
Am I wrong in thinking the first stanza is a zip (as invented by John
Carley, may his camels prosper), with its 15 syllables and two lines with
mid-breaks? My problem is
that I can't see the reason for that first break. It gives me 'magpies hack'
which on its own gave me the ridiculous image of magpies riding about in
hacking jackets or coughing their little lungs up after one fag too many.
What that gap should be for me is a preposition -at - and not a pause.
Again in the last stanza, I don't understand the poetic justification for
the break after 'prise'.
Perhaps I've just missed the reason for those pauses, but they make the poem
seem over-mannered to me.
Kind regards,
grasshopper
----- Original Message -----
From: arthur seeley
Sent: Thursday, January 02, 2003 8:51 AM
Subject: New sub: constitutional
magpies hack the corpse of Christmas
strip the racked cage a few flakes swirl
by the post office a child tears open sweets
the old school melts into lorries
the wind keens from the clouded scarps
patient thin fingers prise the earth open
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