I like the poem in what it says; I would try to delete extraneous words.

On an almost perfect day.


Like battleships oer the stratosphere  [Great opener!]

Surrounded by oceans of Steely Blue

Grau opague threatening and ominous clouds [Do you need both threatening anbd
ominous?]

obliterating the sun from my view.


Below, swiftly moving wisps of Gray lines [Delete wisps?]

about the city escarpments ensue

Heading east along building skylights   [Do you want building?]

Camouflaged and disappearing from view. [Perhaps you don't need dissappearing
- how about Camouflaged view?]


The wind of change urges them ever forward

separating high strata from wisps waves,

A silver bird with a red tail feather  [I like this image.]

Heading out westward over the ocean sprays


Puffs of cotton wool textured clouds [Cotton wool clouds?]

puffed out like a peacokc's breast  [You have puffs and puffed}

White starbursts dot the distant horizon

Painted like cannon fodder and undue distress.


And , lying face up on a park bench,

Oblivious to traffic parading

Carboned egg-foul stench of unleaded fumes,  [Wow, I can smell the stench.]

Under the gum trees canopy shading


The sun's misty halo trying to penetrate  [I like halo.]

a curtain veiled in prisms of subdued light  [Veiled in subdued prisms?]

Sunbeams sparkling softly through the gloom

Reflecting philosophical insight   [Might not need philosophical?]


Yet, far away across the same stgratosphere [spell?]

War drums beat across blue skies and fiery sun  [I like this cosmic drum
beating.]

Obliterated by flocks of armoured birds

and camouflaged lines, now soldiers with guns.


Young men on burning snads [spell?] await commands

Encircled by foreign lands, alienated

from their loved ones over the horizon

Practice drills, their presence hated.


Innocence of another soul sacrificed

Brothers and sisters they do not know

Killing fields cries of despair and anguish [Maybe choose despair or anguish,
not both?]

From scared victims, terror they show.


Napalm burnt and cindered flesh hang loose

Limbed torn bodies shattered

Scarred tissue crimped like patterned shells

Torso's lay in trenches scattered   [Very vivid war imagery; I can feel the
pain.]


A cry of a child's mournful howl  [Skip A cry of a?]

whilst the fury still rages onward

Mankind in disbelief stand and stare

A mother rocking her kinfolk wails.


And who are these people, we do not know?

Gentlefolk like you and me, on their own

Blues skies in the distance, so far away

Cloudless, sun, on an almost perfect day.


Very passionate poem; the last stanza brings it all home.

kol tuv, Ryfkah