Hello Rosalind, and welcome.
Two quibbles. oer in line one. are you deliberately trying to turn us off
at this stage? oer is about the biggest no-no in the language, for
contemporary poetry! you could equally well say over.
Last stanza: you dont mean gentlefolk,do you, but gentle folk.
gentlefolk are like oldfashioned posh country people. as for gentle folk, I
dont know how many of them there are or whether 'we' are gentle.
keep posting!
bw
SallyE
on 14/2/03 11:20 pm, Rosalind Dooley at [log in to unmask] wrote:
> Hello to all:) This is my first time, so hopefully the
> format of the text appears 'readable'.
> This is my contribution.
>
> On an almost perfect day.
>
> Like battleships oer the stratosphere
> Surrounded by oceans of Steely Blue
> Grau opague threatening and ominous clouds
> obliterating the sun from my view.
>
> Below, swiftly moving wisps of Gray lines
> about the city escarpments ensue
> Heading east along building skylights
> Camouflaged and disappearing from view.
>
> The wind of change urges them ever forward
> separating high strata from wisps waves,
> A silver bird with a red tail feather
> Heading out westward over the ocean sprays
>
> Puffs of cotton wool textured clouds
> puffed out like a peacokc's breast
> White starbursts dot the distant horizon
> Painted like cannon fodder and undue distress.
>
> And , lying face up on a park bench,
> Oblivious to traffic parading
> Carboned egg-foul stench of unleaded fumes,
> Under the gum trees canopy shading
>
> The sun's misty halo trying to penetrate
> a curtain veiled in prisms of subdued light
> Sunbeams sparkling softly through the gloom
> Reflecting philosophical insight
>
> Yet, far away across the same stgratosphere
> War drums beat across blue skies and fiery sun
> Obliterated by flocks of armoured birds
> and camouflaged lines, now soldiers with guns.
>
> Young men on burning snads await commands
> Encircled by foreign lands, alienated
> from their loved ones over the horizon
> Practice drills, their presence hated.
>
> Innocence of another soul sacrificed
> Brothers and sisters they do not know
> Killing fields cries of despair and anguish
>> From scared victims, terror they show.
>
> Napalm burnt and cindered flesh hang loose
> Limbed torn bodies shattered
> Scarred tissue crimped like patterned shells
> Torso's lay in trenches scattered
>
> A cry of a child's mournful howl
> whilst the fury still rages onward
> Mankind in disbelief stand and stare
> A mother rocking her kinfolk wails.
>
> And who are these people, we do not know?
> Gentlefolk like you and me, on their own
> Blues skies in the distance, so far away
> Cloudless, sun, on an almost perfect day.
>
> Rosalind Dooley
> copyright 11th February 2003.
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> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "arthur seeley" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Friday, February 14, 2003 8:27 PM
> Subject: Please read : List protocol
>
>
> Hi everyone, I have my moderator's hat on at the moment( a rather elegant
> black snap-brim fedora that emphasises my classical Grecian profile, but
> that's another story)
>
> There has been a bit of a turnover in the List population lately
> for one reason or another so it will not harm to re iterate some of the
> guidelines that ensure the smooth running of the List.
>
> The List is a fundamentally a workshop and its purpose is to
> allow poets to test their work against the opinions of their peers. In
> addition to this function the List allows for the dissemination of
> information relating to poetry readings, publications, etc. It is hoped that
> occasionally some debate about poetics can usefully take place.
> This has always been in my experience a friendly, helpful site.
> I personally recognise I am a better poet for being here. It has to be hoped
> that sometimes something more than a cyber friendship can develop and that
> is a side benefit to be enjoyed.
> The site is widely used and there is considerable exchange of
> mail with subscribers from all over the world. The danger of viral infection
> being transmitted is hence high. The danger of this happening can be
> mitigated by ensuring that all mail sent to the site is done so in Œplain
> text¹. If you use Outlook Express this is done by clicking on ŒFormat¹ and
> then clicking on Œplain text¹ on the drop-down menu.
> Apart from mitigating the dangers of infection some subscribers
> have old computers and Œrich text¹ is received as a jumbled mess. This of
> course limits the readership of work sent in that form and consequently
> limits feedback.
> The giving of criticism should always aim to be constructive and
> helpful. It is expected on most Lists, and no less on this one, that if you
> submit one poem you should comment on at least three others. The comment can
> be in detail or brief. Not all of us are profuse commentators/critics so
> brevity is to be expected sometimes. It is possible to be robust in our
> criticism and courteous at the same time.
> In many ways it understandable to see our poems as our children
> and to be defensive of them and to be hurt and upset if the criticism we
> receive is not what we wanted to hear. The way we receive criticism should
> be based on the assumption that the criticism offered is done so in the
> manner prescribed in the preceding paragraph. We have taken our poem and
> offered it for comment and we must accept that the comments received are
> honest, personal and intended to be constructive in the development of the
> poem and, ultimately, in the development of ourselves as poets. Whatever the
> nature of the criticism it a courtesy to thank the critic for their time and
> effort in responding.
> If anyone feels the need to address someone¹s work in a manner that
> is not constructive and helpful this should be done back channel ( b/c),
> which is to do it by personal exchange of e-mails and not through the List.
> At the same time The List is not a Chat room. It is left to
> subscribers good sense to recognise what is pertinent to the List and its
> purpose and what is Chat and to use the List or go back channel accordingly.
> This does not limit or frown upon light banter.
> The List is not a censor and subscribers are free to use whatever
> language they choose. However, it has to be acknowledged that not everyone
> wants to read what they consider to be offensive language, material or
> themes. If anyone submits work that might be construed in that manner then
> the poem should carry a warning as a precursor to the poem.
> These are not rules. They are an acceptable protocol established when
> the list was established. They ensure that the purposes of the site are met
> in a friendly air of encouragement.
> Anyone who feels this protocol is inhibitive or restrictive are free to
> discuss the issues with me b/c at [log in to unmask]
> Thanks for reading , Arthur.
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