Hi Barbara,
Sadly I messed up my e-mails and deleted your poem, which is a shame because 
I was enjoying it's playful approach to things.
However I'm piggy-backing on Grasshopper's comments because I think she's 
thinking much the same as I thought (and thinking it better, clearer!). I 
thought carefully about the "underdog" thing too - and then wondered just 
how seriously I was supposed to take the whole thing... I guess the final 
isolated word - "again" - says so much as well!
But what would you think of the poem if that word were scrubbed out? If the 
poem ended with just the moon image? (It can stay, if you want it to! I'm 
just asking if you've considered keeping it/deleting it?)
Bob







>From: grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: sub:  This Un-Valentine's Day
>Date: Wed, 12 Feb 2003 05:26:13 -0000
>
>Dear Barbara,
>  I think it's quite a juggling act to keep the un-verbs in control. I'm 
>not
>sure that the underdog pun doesn't undercut the seriousness of what you're
>expressing here, and I would consider omitting it- or at least trimming it.
>  Quick revision below. Apologies if it's of no help.
>Kind regards,
>    grasshopper
>
>This Un-Valentine's Day
>  Barbara's original below)
>
>I promise (myself-omit?) to undo
>all the empty moments
>that undermined our love,
>unbreak my heart for good
>then unglue what held me to you,
>
>so I will understand you're gone. (keep the block of under-words together?)
>Never again will I underestimate
>the underhanded things you did.
>or read the underdog-eared letters
>you sent.
>
>From my undying love
>I will resurrect all that is now dead(this is difficult-if it's undying,
>what is dead to resurrect?-perhaps these lines need a re-think?)
>so I can unlove you
>under the still winter moon
>
>again
>
>
>----- Original Message -----
>From: Barbara Ostrander
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Sent: Tuesday, February 11, 2003 3:16 PM
>Subject: [THE-WORKS] sub: This Un-Valentine's Day
>
>
>Well, what can I say?  It just came out this way.  LOL Crit away.
>
>Barbara
>
>
>
>This Un-Valentine's Day
>
>I promise myself to
>undo all the empty moments
>that undermined our love
>unbreak my heart for good
>then unglue what held me to you
>so I finally understand you're gone
>
>never again will I underestimate
>the underhanded things you did
>or read the underdog dog eared letters
>you sent
>
>from my undying love
>I will resurrect all that is now dead
>so I can unlove you
>under the still winter moon
>
>again
>
>
>BBO
>© 2-10-03


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