Hi James,
I'm wondering about the shape of this poem...
...if each phrase occupied a line so (as is often the case with "free"
verse) most lines start with smallish words and get to their significant
words near the end. That might, in turn, make some lines feel weak and
ineffectual in the progression of the poem - but recognising that might aid
revision and strengthen it in a couple of drafts. (And there'll probably be
a couple of lines that refuse to fit into the process and offer neat
enjambements with what's gone before and what comes after!)
Whaddta think?
Bob
>From: James Bell <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: Animal Kingdoms
>Date: Sat, 25 Jan 2003 12:23:04 +0000
>
>Another example of my phase of weirdness, or maybe this is just the way I
>am
>anyway. Call it poetic licence to revive that particular cliche. The
>lineage
>is deliberate and trying to achieve a hesitant effect of thoughts horrific
>and not really thought through. I suppose you could say this was a "just
>supposing" poem.
>
>ANIMAL KINGDOMS
>
>And so we come to think
>of animals and what that
>might mean to us an animal
>spieces who has raced in
>a few millenia to the top of
>the pecking order - funny
>we should even use that phrase,
>that blithe hommage to other
>living things and what we
>presume they do instinctively
>we do with thought behind it,
>what we call premeditate
>and claim we are above the
>animal state. What if
>our position was held by
>the armadillo? Its concertina
>like attitude to the world at
>large allows the flexible movement
>of life lived mostly under a
>very thick skin with
>potential to war with other
>competing domains like
>Turtleonia or Aardvarkville.
>If this was so then we would have
>been left alone to gather the
>fruit of the land and
>die early of natural selection.
>
>
>
>bw
>James
>
>
>
>
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