Thanks Terri, I'd love to have your crit of the second draft because I see
your evidence for the unintentional ambiguity and hope to have smoothed it.
Philip
SECOND DRAFT AND RE-TITLED....
…..in England now Philip Burton 28/1/03
She rides the Harrod’s lift
all day between Ground and Fourth -
a sometime Polish au pair
with a return ticket, pinned
to grandmother’s bodice
loose as tug-smoke on her.
She’s hitched from Gdansk
to research “social interaction
in English elevators”.
Us lambs, of course, are silent
in city tubes and cages.
She stands, perseveres
yet hosts a disappointment
that breaks over the full harbour
of your heart.
>From: alderoak <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: new submission: Work, if you can get it
>Date: Mon, 27 Jan 2003 08:20:27 -0000
>
>an intriguing observation. I can't help thinking of her as some kind of
>prostitute, though I have also the feeling that is not your intention
>
>I like the oxymoron - 'English elevators'.
>
>Terri )O(
>
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]]On
>Behalf Of Philip Burton
>Sent: 27 January 2003 01:05
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: new submission: Work, if you can get it
>
>
>Work, if you can get it
>
>
>
>She rides the Harrod’s lift
>all day between Ground and Fourth -
>a sometime Polish au pair.
>
>She points to a return ticket, pinned
>to a grandmother’s bodice
>loose as tug smoke on her.
>
>She’s hitched from Gdansk
>to research the verbal exchanges
>found in English elevators.
>
>Us lambs, of course, are silent
>in city tubes and cages.
>She kind of perseveres
>
>yet hosts a disappointment
>that breaks over the full harbour
>of your heart.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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