Hi Barabara,
I can only be tough I'm afraid... because this seems far too long. There's 
also lots of inversions, and a lot of the rhymes are easily 
guessed/predictable - outlaws running hard and fast/gladiators of the past - 
and they sometimes feel as heavy as a sponge cake that hasn't risen - 
whereas I sense the poem wants to feel light.).
It might be that the poem needs another structure within it... maybe working 
itself through examples with a historical timescale might help reduce the 
first part, and give a hidden/subtle cohesion to what it's saying)
The poem seems to be in two parts. The second part doesn't seem to flow too 
easily from the first. I sense it wants to be mischevious and be sincere at 
the same time - but after the revelries of the first part I find I can't 
enjoy what's being said as much as I feel you want me to.
Bob






>From: Barbara Ostrander <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: sub: I am on the hunt for you...
>Date: Wed, 22 Jan 2003 09:20:16 EST
>
>I would appreciate all comments and crits.
>
>Thanks you,
>Barbara Ostrander
>
>
>I am on the Hunt for You
>
>
>Where have all the cavaliers gone,
>The war-horses and knights in armor white,
>The explorers of the arctic chill,
>And Vikings unafraid to fight?
>Where are those men who found new worlds,
>And sailed on rough uncharted seas,
>Who dared to put wings on their backs
>And take their dreams upon the breeze?
>Where the cowboys who rode the plains,
>The outlaws running hard and fast,
>The priest who trekked through jungles deep,
>And gladiators of the past?
>Where the inventors that believed the dream
>Enough to face the laughing crowd,
>Those who fight dauntless hand to hand
>And die to make their country proud?
>And flying ore targets dense with fire,
>Where are those fighter pilots true,
>Those who would dare fly to the moon
>Are strong and passionate men so few?
>
>Where are the men to make me dream,
>And in their heart deep passions hold,
>And capturing mine refuse to blink,
>I long for one to stand so bold.
>So few I've met that I lose heart
>Of finding all I long to know,
>Do not ask first, just hold me tight
>And let us take this dance real slow.
>
>Our comfort zone, the place we live,
>We are grown fat with summer's ease,
>In doing so we die half way
>And miss the chance to live and breathe.
>The skin is soft, the answer slow,
>I'm gone and no one cares at all,
>I shake my head; there's no pursuit,
>This passionlessness that makes us small.
>Measuring consequence a million times,
>We miss the edge of life we crave,
>This adventure and heroic love
>That causes us to rise up brave.
>
>So count me with those hungry few
>Who long to taste life all the way,
>I care not what the end might bring,
>I only care the game to play.
>I will chose yes to everything
>That comes my way, to make me strive,
>I'm willing even yet to bleed
>If just to prove I am alive.
>So life come at me, I will not turn
>Except to open arms out wide,
>I want to feel the wind and rain
>And swim out with the parting tide.
>
>And all you men… this you should know,
>If your heart is wild and fearless, too,
>There are some who long for your deep touch
>And I am on the hunt for you.
>
>BBO
>12/30/00


_________________________________________________________________
MSN Messenger - fast, easy and FREE! http://messenger.msn.co.uk