Hi Calaya
I think I preferred the other version. Just a gentle prayer. This, to me, is
trying too hard. The poem is lost amongst extraneous material. I think I
agree with Grassy on the whale business and I'm afraid "Like what I really
saw long ago" is a clumsy line to my ear. I know as poets we always tend to
say give context, give specifics but I think this may be an exception to
those rules.
H
----- Original Message -----
From: calaya <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, December 22, 2003 12:57 AM
Subject: prayer, from a woman to a whale
prayer, from a woman to a whale
Now it's for your songs I long
and if you can hear my pleas
and my dissonant currents
have not deafened you, too
hear my prayers
that our waters and airs
subject to gravity, grasp us
and that everything that's mine
to change turns into listening
and may tides guide our turns
and music keep making over
everything we swallow
and suck up.
Like what I really saw long ago
through binoculars on a ship
with fellow tourists
anxious to pay anything
not to feel true our dues.
Now it's for your songs I long.
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