Dear Calaya,
My problem with this is that whales and dolphins have become almost
New Age cliches. When I posted a poem I wrote a while ago mentioning
dolphins, someone responded, basically, "I'm sick of bl--dy dolphins!".
What I feel I need to make this poem come more alive for me is something to
make these whales into Calaya's whales -at the moment they're more
generalised usual old whales. I feel I haven't been shown the special impact
they made upon you, but have only been told about it, and for me, that
weakens the poem.
Kind regards,
grasshopper
----- Original Message -----
From: "calaya" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, December 22, 2003 1:05 AM
Subject: [THE-WORKS] prayer, from a woman to a whale/version
prayer, from a woman to a whale
Now it's for your songs I long
and if you can hear my pleas
and my dissonant currents
have not deafened you, too
hear my prayers
that our waters and airs
subject to gravity, grasp us
and that everything that's mine
to change turns into listening
and may tides guide us
and music make over
everything we swallow
and suck up.
Like what I really saw long ago
through binoculars on a ship
with fellow tourists
anxious to pay anything
not to feel true our dues.
Now it's for your songs I long.
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