hi barbara,
I like the way the title gives the reader's
imagination so much room for engagement; and softens
the blow of the 1st line, enuff; well done.
"but more importantly," in the 3rd line doesn't sound
well and may want let go? Unthinkable says it,soon
enuff?
First read, the 2nd S sounded a bit too, uh, different
in rhythm? Further reads i wondered: with a few line
changes, at least combining "unthinkable for my
mother," IS the S meant to demonstrate the
communication probs?
S3 works well in the same respect and also sets well
for the transition to yesterday.
 S4 moves the work into an inviting emotional space
and and engaging concrete place; this comforted this
readed.
 Would you be open to letting the word "little" go out
of the last line? I don't feel it's needed, AND the
word somehow deminishes the power of the line. Make
sense?
thanks
calaya
************

Mom stroked this summer.
Eight days later when she finally woke,
her right side was flaccid, but more importantly
her language was gone.

Unthinkable
for my mother, Fayette County's
Home Ec Extension Agent until she was 70,
world traveler who'd taught others on three continents
to cook, sew, sanitize, feed their children,
my mom, the public speaker, the TV regular,
suddenly having trouble communicating.

Yesterday she called,
managed to say, Make cookies here.
She shuffled determinedly from the couch
to the bar stool without the use
of her walker, said simply, Help?
I gave her nuts to chop,
then cookie dough to roll into balls,
silently watch my mother's hands,
hands that couldn't write my son's name
the day before, come to life.

Beautiful hands, my mother's hands,
knew just what to do, no relearning there.
Familiar with the feel of dough in her palms,
knife chopped deftly close to fingertips,
shakes subsided, a miracle had come,
the kitchen filled with beautiful smells,
almond, chocolate, butter and rum,
smiling we made cookies together.

Everything the way it was for a little while.

BBO
12/16/03


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