> Hello Barbara,
I´m rather late commenting on this piece and you´ve already made many changes. I think this form works better than the earlier versions. I also think you were right to cut some phrases like `my parents were fast learners´. I think there are still one or two aspects of diction that disturb me, but this is surely a matter of my own individual preferences rather than anything else. I´ll mention them so you can see what you think. The expression `the Christ child´ comes across as rather twee to me. I associate it with primary school language. The other phrase that jarred a bit was `the good ole USA which seems a bit of a clichéd expression. As I said, this is probably personal so if the phrases work the way want then just ignore these comments.
Best wishes, Mike
> Lähettäjä: Barbara Ostrander <[log in to unmask]>
> Päiväys: 2003/12/15 ma AM 01:42:05 GMT+02:00
> Vastaanottaja: [log in to unmask]
> Aihe: Revision II:C'mas on Three Continents- thanks Arthur, attn grassy, christina
>
> Hello everyone,
>
> I'm usually pretty good at the birthing process but this one has had me in
> labor for hours. lol Still I think it has finally come forth and is simply
> beautiful (says the proud parent).
>
> Ok, Christina, I took your advise and Arthur helped me see this per your
> suggestion. I think it is indeed just what this piece needed, so thank you very
> much.
>
> Grassy, yours are the comments I am most concerned that I haven't addressed.
>
> Arthur, you're a prince for helping me.
>
> Thanks to everyone for your help. This is still open to any nits. Fire
> away, I'm not one of those parents that thinks her baby is perrrrrrrrrfect.
>
> Barbara
>
>
> Christmas on Three Continents
>
> In Bangladesh there are no Christmas trees, bamboo grows
> plentifully, so my mother bought a pole, measured, drilled holes at intervals,
> carefully fitted smaller pieces tight, added crepe paper, filled it full of lights.
> Below Mom set the nativity scene she brought with her when she
> sailed from home, and on Christmas morning, sweat glistened on each face,
> temperatures near a hundred, maybe more, our family sat cross-legged on the cool
> tile floor, celebrated the Christ child's birth.
>
> In Africa, we had an artificial tree brought from the good ole
> USA, one of those 60's silvery things that shimmered with colors beneath a
> revolving strobe, sent a colorful waterfall of stars streaming down the walls. On
> Christmas Eve, drums beat from the nearby village, steady and louder with
> each passing hour of drunken revelry. Flying ants made a tiny ping as they hit
> the glass, attracted by the rainbow dance inside.
> The nativity scene from Bangladesh, set flush against the window
> sash.
>
> Today, as the first snow falls, I decorate my Kentucky house
> with garland and wreaths, unwrap the nativity scene, now quite fragile. A nail's
> wiggled loose on the stable roof, so I push it back in place, think how wise
> of my mom to know the importance of keeping traditions. Some things can't be
> replaced; the equatorial heat, the beating drums.
>
> Joseph and Mary in the barn,
> the baby's sleeping face,
> hold Christmas intact.
> Home in yet another place.
>
>
> BBO (c) 12-2003
>
>
>
>
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