Hello Grasshopper,

I liked this a lot. I liked how the calmness of the poem - its measured 
stanzas and subtle half rhymes
contrasted with the might offend content, and how the concreteness of the 
images highlighted the surreality, esp. 'larger than a hen's egg and warm'. 
I thought the image of the plundered sweet trolley went very well with the 
dispaced heart in the last stanza (and the surprise of 'his heart' in the 
last line). I thought that 'feeling' and 'beating' in the last line might be 
too many ings in one line.

Ciarán

>From: grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub-- title and poem might offend....
>Date: Thu, 11 Dec 2003 22:29:28 -0000
>
>The title and poem might offend, so please only scroll down if .......
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>               No Shit
>
>After seven beers and a chicken biryana
>Jack was suffering from constipation
>which was not at all the usual effect.
>The expected hot flood remained
>in his mind, while his bowels strained.
>
>After a while, he grew tired of it
>and ripped off some paper to wipe
>his arse, but as he made the first pass,
>he felt a sudden loosening that liquefied
>his knees and sent him slant across
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>cold tiles. There was a heaviness,
>an issue in his cupped hand. He drew
>the crumpled tissue in front of him and saw
>a gleaming curvature. It was larger than
>a hen's egg and warm. After a moment's
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>wonderment, he pulled off more paper
>to swaddle it then tucked it into his breast
>pocket. He picked his way carefully through
>the restaurant, magpie monochrome against
>red walls, avoiding waiters, wined lovers,
>
>and the plundered sweet trolley,
>feeling his heart beating against twill.
>
>       grasshopper

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