Dear Gary,
I think the problem with this is that 'The room's occupants' remain too
shadowy. They are introduced too late, I feel, and while they are confident
about generating light and warmth, their passion seems perfunctory, and they
don't generate any interest for me. I think the lovers need to be filled
out.
Kind regards,
grasshopper
Grassy, agree. I do not want "lovers" and am working on the right word for
them. I did think the dirty bed might fill them out some though.
Thanks.
Gary
revising
Writer's Hood, the best poetry on the web, at http://www.writershood.com/
Poets for Peace.... ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
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