Hi Matt,
I like this a lot... except for the title (which seems not to belong to the
poem).
Titles can be total ******'s to grab and pin down on top of a poem. But I'd
be tempted to create a title that gives "some" information other than "hey,
we were on holiday and here's a poem" (which is a long way from the holy,
perhaps the holy-day, and the hand(!), in the poem)
Bob
>From: "Merritt, Matt - Leic. Mercury"
><[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: Holiday
>Date: Thu, 4 Dec 2003 09:59:25 -0000
>
>HOLIDAY
>
>Inside, in air-conditioned half-light, we whisper
>wide-eyed before a glimpse of Eadfrith's God.
>Each word a wound on Satan's body.
>This is shock and awe.
>
>Outside, and the same hand has not been idle.
>Jets cross-carpet the sky, each initialling
>flawless lapis lazuli. London stretches, sighs.
>And there is more, much more.
>
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