Hi Mike,
I'll slip comments just beneath your comments... (if you know what I mean).
I guess, if anyone else is reading, that helps them, too, see what's
ongoing...
Bob
>From: Mike Horwood <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: Domestic geography - Bob
>Date: Mon, 1 Dec 2003 14:04:42 +0200
>
> > Hello Bob,
> Many thanks for your comments on this one, which I´ll give
>careful consideration. Your idea about changing the position of the red
>roses is an interesting one. During composition I wanted this to be the
>slightest of slight hints as I have become hyper-sensitive to `telling not
>showing´ (at least, when I remember to be!). I thought it could be quite
>fun to introduce the roses so that their `significance´ (horrible word, but
>I can´t avoid it just now) might easily be missed. BE BOLD IN POETRY, BE
>DRAMATIC (IF NEEDS BE).
The counter-argument, of course, is what the jolly merry is the point of
trying to confuse the reader and I must bare my head in shame and say,
truly, I do not know. You were clearly taken with the carpet´s being
Persian. I sense that you think I´ve performed a cunning feat here. Sadly, I
must confess that I don´t realise what it is. It´s most trying, when someone
perceives great subtlety and skill in one´s productions, to have to say, `I
didn´t know I´d done it´. Also, your comment on `intricate´ being taken as
understood with regard to Persian carpets raises a problem that still
bothers me. How am I to know when, and when not, to refer to self-evident
facts? It´s come up recently elsewhere. Eliot in `Portrait of a Lady´refers
to `the ceiling overhead´. Of course, anyone can blunder, would you say
Eliot had done so there? YEH, I GUESS THIS IS ONE THAT GOT PAST HIS PAL EZRA
ASWELL. ELIOT, LIKE EVERYONE, MADE MISTAKES/BLUNDERS/THINGS HE'D PROBABLY
HAVE CHANGED IF HE'D GOT ROUND TO IT, TOO!
I´m not quite sure that I see you distinction between the `tabletop plain´
and the `teacup peaks...´ in terms of effectiveness. They seem much of a
muchness to me, but perhaps, again, I´m being insensitive to a nuance here.
YEH, NUANCE... I GUESS "tabletop plain" COULD BE MISCONSTURED AS AN
INVERSION... AND MAYBE TWO IMAGES ARE ENOUGH TO GIVE THE SCENE ANYWAY...
Your criticisms of the last stanza are more forceful and I´ll have to give
some time to the Victorian mountaineer´s postcard (!) Did you pick up the
secondary sense? - `view´=opinion/point of view; `prospect´= future event
i.e. confession and the probable need for penance. YEH... BUT...
Yes, `repose´ is a bit archaic, though a lovely word. Am I going too far if
I say that, in my mind, `so far´ plays with `sofa´? Incidentally, we have a
lovely deep blue sofa, very reposeful. YEH... BUT... THE POEM DOESN'T
MENTION A LEAP ONTO A "SOFA"!!!!
>So, lots for me to think about. Thanks for your interest.
>
>
>Best wishes, Mike
>
>
> > Lähettäjä: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
> > Päiväys: 2003/11/28 pe PM 06:52:26 GMT+02:00
> > Vastaanottaja: [log in to unmask]
> > Aihe: Re: New sub: Domestic geography
> >
> > Hi Mike,
> > I'm enjoying not getting everything out of this poem! You've caught a
>mood
> > that only a poem can catch, sort of specific but not altogether
>explainable
> > in any other way except the way it's offered.
> > There's one or two bits where I'm not so sure if it works as well as the
> > rest... I'll put comments where I sense I'd like it to work better!)
> > I'm also intruiged by the last line! It makes the whole poem work as a
> > metaphor - and my comments are possibly trying to help the poem prepare
>for
> > the significance of the last line (by weighing the impact of particular
> > words and lines against it).
> > Bob
> >
> >
> > >From: Mike Horwood <[log in to unmask]>
> > >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> > >To: [log in to unmask]
> > >Subject: New sub: Domestic geography
> > >Date: Wed, 26 Nov 2003 10:43:25 +0200
> > >
> > > >
> > > > Domestic Geography
> > > >
> > > > On a polished table the vase stands;
> > > > red roses lend to a cool room
> > > > an opulence and elegance. (IF THIS FIRST SENTANCE IS INTENDING TO
>HINT
> > >THAT THE ROSES ARE AN OFFERING, A TOKEN, A HINT OF FORGIVENESS, IT
>"MIGHT"
> > >BE THAT THE ROSES COULD BE MENTIONED FIRST. a FIRST LINE: Red roses
>placed
> > >in a vase... SHOW MORE THAT THEY'VE JUST ARRIVED, THAT THEY'VE NOT BEEN
> > >THERE FOR AGES AND AGES...)
> > > > The dark wood, in places, shines
> > > > like water where it catches light.
> > > >
> > > > In Alpine white the four walls rise
> > > > above the Persian carpet´s intricate design (NOT SURE ABOUT
>"intricate"
> > >BECAUSE ALL PERSIAN CARPETS ARE INTRICATE - BUT I LIKE "persian"
>BECAUSE OF
> > >THE NOTION THAT ALL PERSIAN CARPETS HAVE A BUILT IN FLAW TO SHOW THAT
>NOT
> > >CARPET-MAKER IS PERFECT! PERSIAN IS A SUBTLE WORD IN THE POEM...)
> > > > of russet islands set in shimmering blues
> > > > while glazed and panelled double doors
> > > > reveal a new perspective,
> > > >
> > > > where, after breakfast, I have climbed
> > > > to a high, hard place, my muscles racked
> > > > and sore. Small as an ant
> > > > I labour over the tabletop plain, (THE PHRASE tabletop plain AIN'T
> > >WORKING TOO WELL FOR ME... THE NEXT LINE IS BETTER, IMHO... I CAN "SEE"
> > >WHAT YOU MEAN FAR MORE CLEARLY)
> > > > under the teacup peaks, the eggshell snow,
> > > >
> > > > to the edge, where my balance
> > > > and sense of proportion waver.
> > > > Fear fills my view of the prospect. (A WEAK LINE! SOUNDS LIKE A
>NOVICE
> > >VICTORIAN MOUNTAINEER WRITING A POSTCARD TO HIS UNIVERSITY PALS!)
> > > > The deep blue of repose is so far, ("of repose" FEELS IFFY. I LIKE
>THE
> > >WORDS deep blue BUT I'D BE PLAYING WITH LOTS OF OTHER WORDS TO CREATE A
> > >LINE, AND MAYBE PUTTING deep blue ELSEWHERE IN THE LINE AS WELL...
> > > > so great the leap into the lap of forgiveness.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Mike
> > > >
> >
> > _________________________________________________________________
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