Hi shah,
I like this! Much improved, IMO, from how it first appeared!!!
Two questions:
Do the phrases "lava flows" and "carves forever" have to be in the present
tense? What would you think if lava "flowed" and it was "carved" forever?
(I'm thinking that the poem is about the past, the present and the future
("you'll find...) so I'm wondering...
And (2nd point) do the words "river-bed" need to be on a following line?
Bob
>From: c s shah <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Impressions-Revised
>Date: Wed, 12 Nov 2003 22:34:56 +0530
>
>Impressions (Revised)
>
>After the eruption
>lava flows over earth
>and carves forever
>the shape of a river.
>Sorrows of the centuries pour
>as the clouds gather in the eye.
>
>Hot sand scalds my soles now
>as I walk over the dried-up
>river-bed.
>Tears are long exhausted,
>but the sorrows have no end.
>
>On the hard igneous bed you'll
>find the fossil-imprints
>of our feet -
>mine, her, and of a friend
>who tried to show us
>the escape route.
>This was a land-locked territory
>of the cursed continent, not
>the soft sand of a seashore.
>--
>
>c s shah
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