> Hello Helen,
               Thanks for your comments on this one. The repetitve nature of the style and content here has been commented on by others and I´ll have to try playing around with it a bit before I hurl it from me with a curse and a howl. As far as revelation goes, I thought I´d saved a revelation of a kind till the final stanza but maybe it´s not revelatory enough....I tried to clarify a little more what I thought I might be doing in my reply to Grasshopper, if you´re interested in hearing more.



Best wishes,   Mike



> Lähettäjä: Helen Clare <[log in to unmask]>
> Päiväys: 2003/11/10 ma PM 10:22:06 GMT+02:00
> Vastaanottaja: [log in to unmask]
> Aihe: Re: New sub: The Winter Palace And Commerce
> 
> Hi Mike
> I think Grassy has hit on something here.
> It feels like the point is made quite quickly so there's no gradual
> revelation.
> At a guess you could remove 1 line in 4 and everything still be perfectly
> clear.
> One approach anyway.
> Helen
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Monday, November 10, 2003 8:08 PM
> Subject: Re: New sub: The Winter Palace And Commerce
> 
> 
> Dear Mike,
> I like the idea behind this poem, but I feel the execution could be much
> more subtle.The voice is rather odd, as if it's a record of minutes, which
> would work if the other chap is the narrator, but he isn't, is he?
> What I felt in the poem was a lack of progression -it's as if you just make
> the same point again and again, without building to any sort of climax.
> Kind regards,
>      grasshopper
> 
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Mike Horwood" <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Monday, November 10, 2003 9:58 AM
> Subject: [THE-WORKS] New sub: The Winter Palace And Commerce
> 
> 
> The winter palace and commerce
> 
> 
> I met him on a tour of the winter palace.
> On the chequered tiles of the hall
> he enquired about my profession
> and informed me of his.
> 
> Mounting the marble staircase
> with a hand on a gilded banister
> he averred his commitment to total quality,
> hereinafter referred to as TQ.
> 
> Pausing before a Botticelli
> he advised against investing in bio-technology.
> He felt very strongly about this.
> 
> Gazing up at a moulded ceiling
> he maintained that stock values had risen too high.
> When I asked about share prices,
> he grew angry. He was talking, he said,
> about stock levels in his warehouse.
> 
> He was not silent for long though.
> With his back to the secretaire´s marquetry and mounts
> he extolled the benefits of outsourcing.
> TQ, I learned, is linked to core functions.
> 
> Passing beneath a 200-year-old chandelier
> he cracked a joke: Competition is like a gardener,
> he said, it weeds out the weaklings.
> 
> Standing before a cabinet of rococo china
> he explained that TQ is concerned with processes:
> Look after the process and the product will look after itself.
> 
> Without a blush amongst the panelling
> and velvet of the royal bedchamber
> he emphasised the importance of quality certification
> which is part of TQ, if I understood right.
> 
> Beside an ornamental fountain
> in the symmetrical garden
> he asked me what I had thought of the place.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Mike
>