> Hello Grasshopper,
                     Thanks for your comments on this one. I take your point about the voice. It´s true that I had deliberately used an approximation to `business´ language and as you point out the narrator is the other chap. Could he be deliberately mimicking the other guy? The repetitve nature of this one has drawn adverse comment and I´ll have to experiment with varying it, both the sentence structure and well....content, you think? More progression is needed. The progression that I had aimed for is all in the last stanza. The point- if there is one- is that our friend has talked about business all the way through the poem and now wants to know what he should think about `art´ and architecture. He has to be repetitive if he has a one-track mind. Unless, of course, the poem states that he repeats himself rather than showing him engaged in the activity. The problem then is a chestnut which goes under the title `telling not showing´. I find myself dilemmaed. Let me think about it and I´ll get back to you.



Best wishes,   Mike


> Lähettäjä: grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
> Päiväys: 2003/11/10 ma PM 10:08:10 GMT+02:00
> Vastaanottaja: [log in to unmask]
> Aihe: Re: New sub: The Winter Palace And Commerce
> 
> Dear Mike,
> I like the idea behind this poem, but I feel the execution could be much
> more subtle.The voice is rather odd, as if it's a record of minutes, which
> would work if the other chap is the narrator, but he isn't, is he?
> What I felt in the poem was a lack of progression -it's as if you just make
> the same point again and again, without building to any sort of climax.
> Kind regards,
>      grasshopper
> 
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Mike Horwood" <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Monday, November 10, 2003 9:58 AM
> Subject: [THE-WORKS] New sub: The Winter Palace And Commerce
> 
> 
> The winter palace and commerce
> 
> 
> I met him on a tour of the winter palace.
> On the chequered tiles of the hall
> he enquired about my profession
> and informed me of his.
> 
> Mounting the marble staircase
> with a hand on a gilded banister
> he averred his commitment to total quality,
> hereinafter referred to as TQ.
> 
> Pausing before a Botticelli
> he advised against investing in bio-technology.
> He felt very strongly about this.
> 
> Gazing up at a moulded ceiling
> he maintained that stock values had risen too high.
> When I asked about share prices,
> he grew angry. He was talking, he said,
> about stock levels in his warehouse.
> 
> He was not silent for long though.
> With his back to the secretaire´s marquetry and mounts
> he extolled the benefits of outsourcing.
> TQ, I learned, is linked to core functions.
> 
> Passing beneath a 200-year-old chandelier
> he cracked a joke: Competition is like a gardener,
> he said, it weeds out the weaklings.
> 
> Standing before a cabinet of rococo china
> he explained that TQ is concerned with processes:
> Look after the process and the product will look after itself.
> 
> Without a blush amongst the panelling
> and velvet of the royal bedchamber
> he emphasised the importance of quality certification
> which is part of TQ, if I understood right.
> 
> Beside an ornamental fountain
> in the symmetrical garden
> he asked me what I had thought of the place.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Mike
>