Hi CS
Interesting imagery this - the metaphor comes over well - but I'd like it
to feel a little more real - so that's its a poem about fire and has heat,
and crackle, rather than a poem about thinking about fire.
There are one or to places where you seem to undermine what you are saying -
"to an extent" "this time". I think these phrases weaken it, and perhaps
"transient" and "temporary" are too close to a repetition in a poem as short
as this.
Best
Helen
----- Original Message -----
From: c s shah <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, November 09, 2003 4:28 PM
Subject: NEW:The Wild Fire
> The Wild Fire
>
> At the watershed,
> to an extent,
> it consumes us this time
> and threatens to destroy us.
>
> Our retreat is transient
> and temporary - till
> we realize our follies
> and overpower our greed.
>
> Affected with burns and scalds
> we ponder over:
> have we indulged in excesses?
>
> These elements raging in flames...
> --
>
> c s shah
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