I think longer lines (and perhaps not having the lines that go
before these) may help... It seems to fade away too much as it gets
three-quarters of the way through.
Bob
Bob, understand, thinking.
*
I must confess that when I first opened this message I read perhaps six
lines, thought to myself `This is a list´ and went no further. That´s not a
criticism of the poem but more a comment on my lazy reading habits. I´ve
just come back to it´, read it to the end, and I´m glad I did. I like the
then-now contrast of the poem, it makes for a clear structure and I very
much like the sound of certain lines and phrases, especially lines 11-12. If
there was anything I would question it would be the phrase `from-scratch
dinners´ and the placing of `remote´ and `reruns´ on lines of their own.
I hope this is useful.
Best wishes, Mike
Mike, it is. As I said thinking. Maybe the revision will take a different
form.
Smiles and thanks.
Gary
The homepage on hold until ???--- Writer's Hood, the best poetry on the web,
at http://www.writershood.com/ Poets for Peace.... ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
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