> Hello Sue,
My first impression is that I like this very much. I like the language and imagery and the interweaving of the passage of time, the passing of the seasons with personal relationships, farewells and false promises. There might be a risk in using the seasons in this way, I mean in that something similar has been done with them before, but for me the whole effect of the poem was fresh. If I have a reservation, it is in the last two lines and the juxtaposition of `exterior´ and `inside´. It seems a little contrived (maybe) or maybe it´s the preposition - would we say that something is exterior to another thing inside? I don´t quite know, but I sense a hiccup here.
I hope this helps (a bit).
Best wishes, Mike
> Lähettäjä: Sue Scalf <[log in to unmask]>
> Päiväys: 2003/10/21 ti PM 02:44:50 GMT+03:00
> Vastaanottaja: [log in to unmask]
> Aihe: New: If I could choose
>
> If I could choose
>
>
> there would be no good-byes,
> no false promises
> of a season softened by roses,
> air turned to wine.
>
> Though wrapped in woodsmoke
> and gold, burnished with bronze,
> autumn is exterior
> to the farewell inside.
>
> Sue Scalf
>
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