Hello Sue,
          Thanks for your comments on this one. You´re right about the repetition, it´s a bit intrusive. I was trying to justify it to myself, here and in Flood, and in this poem I came up with a justification of a kind but I´m not sure that it is valid - actually, I´m not sure that it is even remotely sensible. Can I run it by you? I thought of the way composers use a bass line which repeats phrases or even single notes which the listener hears below the melody and I wondered whether the repetition of the word `summer´ could produce a similar effect here. I also liked the combination of `cool´ and `warmth´ but I remember reading somewhere advice for poets that they should always discard their favourite lines/phrases! I think because favouritism blunts one´s judgement. Anyway, thanks for the help. Sue, I think I´ll have to cut some of this repetition.



Best wishes,    Mike



> 
> From: Sue Scalf <[log in to unmask]>
> Date: 2003/10/17 Fri AM 01:18:05 EEST
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: Summer Evening
> 
> You may not have gotten this, so I am sending again.
> 
> Subj:   Re: new sub: Summer. Evening
> Date:   10/16/2003
> To: [log in to unmask]
> 
> I love this poem.  I think it could stand a tiny bit of tightening though.  
> For instance counting the title you have summer three times and have repeated 
> day unnecessarily.  See what you think below.
> 
> << 
>  Summer. Evening  (alternate title: Remnants)
>  
>  Toward dusk the grass grows chill.
>  The air saps the day´s heat from rock and sand.  Omit "day"
>  The cool warmth of a summer evening  Omit this line and say "Twilight"
>  carries broken voices, late flies,
>  a ragged red cloud -
>  all the debris of a summer´s day
>  wrecked and sinking below the horizon.  
> 
> Hope this helps.  Sue
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  Mike >>  
>