In a message dated 10/07/2003 8:10:34 AM Central Daylight Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:
<< The Chest Freezer
Sat on the lid, feeling the warmth at your back,
sobbing like only a seventeen-year-old can sob,
not saying anything out loud, not hearing the hum
from behind the trembling chickens, lamb’s hearts,
sausages, livers, profiteroles - and the Haagen Daas
which is all the comfort food a body needs
when sat on the freezer, feeling the warmth.
Bob Cooper
>> To me this seems rather unfinished, Bob, although I like it.
I don't know what I think is missing though, so I can't help you there. I do
love the line about not hearing the hum from behind the trembling chickens,
etc. Seventeen year olds are almost always totally self-involved, at least
that has been my experience with teenagers. I think this could be improved by
adding the pronoun "You" where it is called for, for instance "You sat on the
freezer" and at the end. Hope this helps. Sue
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