> Ms Hackalotska, hello,
                         blimey, there isn´t much left ;-) I´ll certainly look at my excessive wordiness... but I´m making no promises, mind. As I mentioned in my reply to your reply to my comment on the biscuit tin, I was after a feeling, an atmosphere here. I don´t know whether anything that might perhaps be described in those terms comes across. I sense a tragedy behind this poem, followed by a world-weary resignation and loss...but it´s also possible that this has nothing to do with sense and everything to do with nonsense. Back to the drawing board!




Best wishes,    Mike




> Lähettäjä: Christina Fletcher <[log in to unmask]>
> Päiväys: 2003/09/30 ti PM 01:28:32 GMT+03:00
> Vastaanottaja: [log in to unmask]
> Aihe: Re: New sub: Letters
> 
> Hello there, Mike.  Something's definitely wrong with the mail: I've just 
> copied and pasted this from Terri's email.  Is the Finnish winter already on its 
> way?
>  I'd cut back and back until the whole thing made absolutely no sense to 
> anyone else LOL  What else can I say?  Actually, I think it's a nice idea with 
> loads of possibilities but a bit heavy on the verbals at the moment.  I know, 
> I'll bracket what I think you could chop.  Hee hee hee...
> bw
> christina hackalotska
> 
> 
> > (Letters)  Ouch!
> > 
> > Flakes
> 
> as numerous as letters,> 
> > (as if) every letter that ever was
> > (were) falling (from the sky).
> > (Each movement of ) the air takes them,
> > (they twist and turn and turn and turn).
> > A few rush against the flow.
> > I open my mouth (in an) O,  ***  smashing multipurpose 'O' here - the shape 
> > of the mouth, the death O, wonder, longing              etc.
> > (feel) their familiar feel on my tongue (.)
> > 
> > (Flakes stick and hold together,)
> > on branches, (on twigs) in drifts, on roofs,
> > (with a tenacity,) as if they knew what they did  (know what they do and 
> > mean something?)
> > and meant something (by it),
> > like people (clinging together, 
> > like refugees) who cling to a sinking ship,  ( how about a raft instead?)
> > swarm(ing) over every projection and surface.
> > Overnight the world can change.
> > 
> > Flakes (, as numerous as letters,)
> > lie on the ground (and) a phrase -
> > (the sky fell) - drifts in my head.
> > Someone will have to clear all this up.
> 
> 
> 
> > (And later there will be a spring
> > when I will join trunk to roots,
> > sew blooms on every branch and stem
> > so the stitches don´t show, it looks real.
> > 
> > But for now the sky is empty
> > and the land has fallen silent,
> > the line between them, every feature, unclear
> > and slipping gently from the memory.)
> > 
> > 
> > 
> > Mike
> 
> 
>