Hi Christina,
I like this!
Two queries... (little nits)
1. I'm not sure about the line-break between lines 2 & 3. Perhaps I'm the
kind of guy who likes each line to be autonomous, stand in its own right -
with its own meaning and sense, and "gone to where" seems incomplete...
2. The tin being "hammered into shape" - h'm, not seeing the tin I don't
know... but weren't tins pressed and bent on some sort of machine, a press,
to form square tubes or round cylinders before their bottoms were soldered
on? Or is this a special shaped tin?
Otherwise it's dead canny!
Gosh - is that the time?
Erch
- G'nite!
Bob
>From: Christina Fletcher <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Sub: Biscuit Tin, 1910 (working draft)
>Date: Mon, 29 Sep 2003 13:23:09 EDT
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> Biscuit Tin, 1910
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> The see-saw boys in sailor suits are dead men --
> just as the cart girl and her goat have gone to where
> a greyhound's leash and Billy's bridle rot.
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> If someone scrapes the tin that part might shine
> more than it shone when it was hammered into shape.
> Open the lid. There's almost nothing there --
>
> a crumb that's lost the smell of cinnamon.
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> christina fletcher
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