Hi Mike,
I, too, find the "bonk" word (and "bonking") used too much!
Repetition can be a feature in poems - Sometimes even little words like
"and" and "but" and "then" can be used repetatively to good effect - but
when no pattern can be seen they tend to show themselves up in embarrasing
ways. (I mean you've got "Mrs. Shandy/wife" - where you've avoided
repetition!).
I'd also get rid of the "If" in the title - after all it's speaking!
Bob
who's really caught by the simple rhythm of the last few words: "have you
not forgot to wind the clock."
>From: Mike Horwood <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: If father Shandy´s clock could speak
>Date: Fri, 26 Sep 2003 12:17:19 +0300
>
>If Father Shandy´s Clock Could Speak....
>
>Regular as clockwork, you wind me up
>on the first Sunday of every month,
>and faithfully, like an old retainer,
>I serve you, bonking out the quarters,
>bonking the hours especially,
>one bonk for each!
>My bonking rings through the house,
>winding you up as the month goes by
>with the result well-known to Mrs Shandy.
>That evening, just after my bonk of ten
>I heard its faint echo from upstairs
>and how the association of ideas
>led your good wife to ask;
>Pray, my dear, have you not forgot to wind the clock?
>
>
>
>
>
>Mike
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