Dear Sue,
Reading your poem made me think again about the current trend for
ruthlessly clipping small words (articles and conjunctions).There are some
poems where it works, some where it's inappropriate. In this poem, which I
think depends on a lyrical voice, it jars on me.
For instance, 'a change of seasons, change of lovers' -I feel that needs the
article for the music, and I wonder why you clipped.Also, how about a
variation, like 'a shift of lovers' or similar?
Then' I have had enough of summer,
am impervious to lushness,'
To me, this is almost a 'speaking' voice, and I don't think we clip like
this when speaking to someone (only when writing poetry).
Kind regards,
grasshopper
----- Original Message -----
From: "Sue Scalf" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, September 27, 2003 5:45 PM
Subject: [THE-WORKS] Roses, final revision
> Another Poem About Roses
>
>
> Whispering in plush seductions
> the lusts of fall, Don Juan's
> have stolen their way
> up the trellis to a rendezvous,
> blossoms big as cups,
> feverish for a change of seasons,
> change of lovers.
>
> I have had enough of summer,
> am impervious to lushness,
> welcome, instead, a dormancy,
> pleadings of winter wind and snow.
> I know whatever springs may come,
> I shall never love again.
>
> Taste from my lips this honey,
> this last of song.
> One more for roses;
> one more, my love, for you.
>
> Sue Scalf
>
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