Hi Sue,
hmmm, a couple of small thoughts below.
Cheers,
Frank
> Another Poem About Roses
>
>
> Don Juan's, climbers,
> have worked their way
> up the trellis to a rendezvous,
> blossoms big **** Don't care for 'big' here - seems a pedestrian sort of
word. Even 'large' feels a little better to me, though there may be better
choices around. *** Didn't 'get' this Sue - what is the significance of
'around'?
> as cups, heart's- blood-red, *** A little confusing here - largely due to
the dashes, I think (the first one, in particular). could try 'their heart's
blood-red'?
> feverish for a change of seasons,
> change of lovers. *** Ok, I'm being thick here, but where do lovers come
in? I know the reference to Don Juan is there in the first line, but it
doesn't quite gell fo me. Actually, it occurs to me that this would be a
good end line for second stanza (playing of 'change of seasons' as end for
the first S), but that's just a thought and probably not helpful
> I, too, have had enough of summer,
> welcome a dormancy, *** '...a period/time of dormancy'?
> winter and wind.
> And yet I know
> despite whatever springs may come,
> I shall never love again.
> One more for the roses,
> one more, my love, for you.
>
Probably not much help Sue, but my thoughts - scatty though they are.
Frank
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