> Hello Bob,
            Thanks for this feedback which I will sit down with in a quiet corner and ruminate over later. For now, can I give immediate reactions to your points, with the proviso that I may well change my mind when I become more ruminant?
`evening´ and `air´; I have no defence for this.
the repetition of `stand´; well, it didn´t bother me. I´ve used repetition quite a bit throughout the poem and I fancied it created a dreamy, hypnotic atmosphere and rhythm. I may well have been mistaken, though.
`bare´ of course, is another of those repetitions.
tree or trees; ah yes, the world is full of trees but this poem is about just one tree....except, of course, it´s not a tree. The title is, yes, awful, isn´t it? I love it, especially since it is a complete and utter fabrication, or to be more plain, a lie. I think you commented recently (to Arthur?) that poetry and lies go together. Those weren´t your exact words, but something to that effect, or did I dream it?
`I might be reading "my" poem´; I think you are, Bob, and I think that´s all any of us can ever do, within the limitations of the text before us. When I read it, it has nothing to do with the natural world but I wouldn´t want to impose my reading on others, although I´m happy to share it. Briefly, I´m trying to create a mood and to represent an experience in a most oblique manner and in the course of trying to achieve those two aims I want to find words, phrases and lines that together form an object that is pleasing to the ear, the mind and the imagination. I think you also said once that every poem is about writing poetry (quoting Jamie McKendrick?) and this poem is that, or about how I, at least, turn an experience into poetry.
Blimey, this has taken a serious turn. I amaze myself, but it won´t last.
BTW do you remember `Nervous´ and the problem of the rhyme at the end of S1 `alone´- `room´? I´ve thought of a solution:
  so that when he believed himself alone
  a thousand eyes watched him move around his home
What do you think? Personally, I don´t like the sense so much, but the sound is better (?)




Best wishes,   Mike






 > Lähettäjä: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
> Päiväys: 2003/09/20 la PM 02:15:47 GMT+03:00
> Vastaanottaja: [log in to unmask]
> Aihe: Re: New sub: Poem about a tree
> 
> Hi Mike,
> This is interesting! Subtle. Unexpected. Wry. Fun.
> The first stanza is amazing! You've got me hooked! So, what follows are 
> minorish quibbles...
> I'm a tad concerned that the words "evening" and "air" are split, put on 
> different lines...
> And I notice "stand" is an end line word that's used twice in the same 
> stanza... (but I love what the lines are saying!). Could one "stand" become 
> "take"?
> And "bare" is a repeated adjective in the last stanza...
> Then I'm wondering if "tree" (singular) and "trees" (plural) has much 
> significance... the title is singular, the poem then moves from plural to 
> singular once or twice. Does the poem have to make that shift a tad clearer 
> - or eliminate it?
> And, at first, I thought "Naw, naff title!" -- but then I got to thinking, 
> "H'm a poem is something that, by definiition, is Made... And the frame, the 
> table and chair are made..." And I find myself chuckling! But I might be 
> just making a big mistake - might be reading "my" poem much more than what's 
> in front of me on the screen! If it were called "Tree Poem" or Tree-Poem 
> then I'd be chuckling louder!
> It all raises delightfully stated issues about the relationship between 
> people and the natural world.
> Bob
> 
> 
> 
> >From: [log in to unmask]
> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: New sub: Poem about a tree
> >Date: Fri, 19 Sep 2003 14:17:05 +0300
> >
> >Poem About A Tree
> >
> >
> >These trees are possible, but
> >they have the look of trees
> >that have been deceived.
> >Someone must have been telling lies.
> >
> >Autumn is the hardest season;
> >the smell of smoke in the evening
> >air disturbs them. They cling
> >together, lock their limbs together.
> >
> >Other worlds were possible, too,
> >worlds that might have contained
> >tables and chairs, or frames
> >that contained paintings and glass.
> >
> >There was a time when I tried to hide
> >all this. How much truth can a tree stand?
> >On a September morning when sun is sure
> >to give way to rain, how much can it stand?
> >
> >That was the time when these trees
> >believed themselves possible, before
> >they found their own route to knowledge
> >and the enjoyment of sun and rain.
> >
> >For a tree full of knowledge
> >each leaf it drops in autumn
> >hints at what might have been.
> >A naked tree is undeceived.
> >
> >Bare branches etch the whole tale
> >on the sky. Through bare branches it´s easy
> >to read the weather signs, like looking
> >through a frame, at a table or chair.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >Mike
> 
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