Mike,
I'll just piggy back on as I didn't get the original.
An interesting poem, competently put together on the whole with a good bit
of enjambment to smooth the way. Not sure that I agree with Bob about the
repetition of "stand" which may be defensible as deliberate emphasis.
Nevertheless when I have seen it done before it's usually been on the aa
rhyme rather than on the bb rhyme on an abab stanza.
To come to the poem I feel that I'm getting a taste of my own medicine and
that I'm looking at a complex metaphor that I can't quite work out. On the
other hand it is susceptible to the same criticism too (well dished out by
you, Bob and Sue not so long ago and gratefully received by me). Trees are
inert and its hard to think of them looking like they have been deceived. So
are they fully mythical like Hughes's Crow (tho' even this a debatable
assumption due to inconsistencies in Crow)? Or are they real trees
(plausibly and consistently so) which the human observer finds a suitable
vehicle for conveying something else? One option is to go for the belt and
braces approach, have them as trees in a solid poem in its own right with
the metaphorical sufficiently present for the whole poem to be turned over
and re interpreted. As this stands I can't begin to take it literally.
Straight away it's an exercise to try to decode all the lines. Nevertheless
there are poems like this, one by Mgt Atwood, among her early work, about a
forest fire which has burnt itself out, as metaphor for first love (I think)
which gains sufficient detachment to make the transposition worthwhile. I
suppose there has to be a unifying sentiment between the two systems, but
that's just my opinion. A unifying sentiment is what makes the metaphor (or
symbol?) work at a tactile level. It's emotional reasoning I suppose,
illogical perhaps but potentially more forceful than logic because it allows
the argument to be "felt".
However I'm not sure that there are two systems intended in this poem
(rather than a shared system of feeling). It may be that the narrator is
feeling certain things on behalf of the trees.
One thing that does come across well in the poem is that the trees are under
threat (and therefore that all that they represent is threatened). Natural
senescence, fire or getting made into furniture are all possibilities for
the vulnerable trees.
So far I have not criticised the poem, so much as talking round it (if those
are different things), but if I had one thing you could change it would be
the word possible. Everything's possible isn't it? And why should this be a
contrast to being deceived?
I agree with Bob that the switch between singular and plural doesn't really
help the poem and could be avoided.
An intriguing poem and one that I'm likely to come back to.
Keep up the good work,
Colin
----- Original Message -----
From: "Bob Cooper" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, September 20, 2003 12:15 PM
Subject: Re: New sub: Poem about a tree
Hi Mike,
This is interesting! Subtle. Unexpected. Wry. Fun.
The first stanza is amazing! You've got me hooked! So, what follows are
minorish quibbles...
I'm a tad concerned that the words "evening" and "air" are split, put on
different lines...
And I notice "stand" is an end line word that's used twice in the same
stanza... (but I love what the lines are saying!). Could one "stand" become
"take"?
And "bare" is a repeated adjective in the last stanza...
Then I'm wondering if "tree" (singular) and "trees" (plural) has much
significance... the title is singular, the poem then moves from plural to
singular once or twice. Does the poem have to make that shift a tad clearer
- or eliminate it?
And, at first, I thought "Naw, naff title!" -- but then I got to thinking,
"H'm a poem is something that, by definiition, is Made... And the frame, the
table and chair are made..." And I find myself chuckling! But I might be
just making a big mistake - might be reading "my" poem much more than what's
in front of me on the screen! If it were called "Tree Poem" or Tree-Poem
then I'd be chuckling louder!
It all raises delightfully stated issues about the relationship between
people and the natural world.
Bob
>From: [log in to unmask]
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: Poem about a tree
>Date: Fri, 19 Sep 2003 14:17:05 +0300
>
>Poem About A Tree
>
>
>These trees are possible, but
>they have the look of trees
>that have been deceived.
>Someone must have been telling lies.
>
>Autumn is the hardest season;
>the smell of smoke in the evening
>air disturbs them. They cling
>together, lock their limbs together.
>
>Other worlds were possible, too,
>worlds that might have contained
>tables and chairs, or frames
>that contained paintings and glass.
>
>There was a time when I tried to hide
>all this. How much truth can a tree stand?
>On a September morning when sun is sure
>to give way to rain, how much can it stand?
>
>That was the time when these trees
>believed themselves possible, before
>they found their own route to knowledge
>and the enjoyment of sun and rain.
>
>For a tree full of knowledge
>each leaf it drops in autumn
>hints at what might have been.
>A naked tree is undeceived.
>
>Bare branches etch the whole tale
>on the sky. Through bare branches itīs easy
>to read the weather signs, like looking
>through a frame, at a table or chair.
>
>
>
>
>Mike
_________________________________________________________________
Hotmail messages direct to your mobile phone http://www.msn.co.uk/msnmobile
|
