Dear, dear James, Thank you for your thoughts. How very 'deadist' of you to
say that the dead are unworthy of apology. I practically only ever apologise
to the dead. After all, they can't answer back. Philip
>From: James Bell <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: Re Re: new submission: THE SIGHT OF AUTUMN (second
>draft)(James)
>Date: Fri, 3 Jan 2003 15:25:24 +0000
>
>Very droll Philip. Pity Breathe has stopped publication, I was in an
>earlier issue. Why apologise to Dylan Thomas, he's dead? This is of course
>a Welshanelle where you must be drunk before you write every second word
>after a reading tour of America and hope you don't die of alcoholic
>poisoning before you finish. I still think the original can survive
>parody very well though your version is pretty good and in "all the
>anthologies" as Anthony Burgess might have said.
>
>
>
>bw
>James
>
>
>
>
>
>>From: Philip Burton <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: Re Re: new submission: THE SIGHT OF AUTUMN (second draft)(James)
>>Date: Fri, 3 Jan 2003 11:20:38 +0000
>>
>>Dear James, Thanks for your thoughts. Happy New Year. I though that you
>>might be interested in.........
>> Into That Good Night PHILIP BURTON 3/04/01
>> -with apologies to Dylan Thomas
>>
>>
>>My father, were you stunned when death took you?
>>Sassier than the lot of us you were.
>>Not one moan as your last breath forsook you?
>>
>>And when a traffic warden book you
>>she'd cop a dainty mouthful that's for sure.
>>My father, were you stunned when death took you?
>>
>>Bolshie in the blood, contentious, look you,
>>I can't believe you'd quit without a roar.
>>Not one moan as your last breath forsook you?
>>
>>And heaven help any guy who stuck you
>>for a fiver. You'd roast 'em on a skewer.
>>My father, were you stunned when death took you?
>>
>>And how could you glide and let death hook you
>>without whinging at the doctor's bogus cure?
>>Not one moan as your last breath forsook you.
>>
>>No-one's fool, but you lay and let it rook you
>>you went quiet as a fly-fishing lure.
>>My father, were you stunned when death took you?
>>Not one moan as your last breath forsook you.
>>
>>
>>Publishing Note
>>Breathe Poetry Magazine published ‘Into That Quiet’ in the June/July 2002
>>issue.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>>From: James Bell <[log in to unmask]>
>>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>>Subject: Re: new submission: THE SIGHT OF AUTUMN (second draft)
>>>Date: Fri, 3 Jan 2003 10:40:24 +0000
>>>
>>>This is a villanelle and I rather like it. It's a rite of passage these
>>>days to do the trad forms, and why not, it's good discipline. I'd go with
>>>Sally on the difficulties of the form, the slight jarring effect you can
>>>get, but I think you've partly off set this with enjambment. Every time I
>>>write a villanelle I always go back to one of the best in the English
>>>language "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night" to see how I'm doing.
>>>Thomas uses the five metric foot form but four is trad too if you've read
>>>the books that tell you these things. A good poem Phillip, much better in
>>>this draft.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>bw
>>>James
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>>From: Philip Burton <[log in to unmask]>
>>>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>>>Subject: new submission: THE SIGHT OF AUTUMN (second draft)
>>>>Date: Thu, 2 Jan 2003 20:18:56 +0000
>>>>
>>>>THE SIGHT OF AUTUMN…. (second draft)
>>>>
>>>> - a villanelle
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>As I am red-green colour-blind -
>>>>or ‘colour challenged’ be it said.
>>>>You think I will be left behind
>>>>
>>>>when a palette of hues, unkind
>>>>as showy Autumn’s, rears its head.
>>>>As I am red-green colour-blind
>>>>
>>>>you think that russets must incline
>>>>to show me nothing much instead?
>>>>You think I will be left behind.
>>>>
>>>>But in my canopy of mind
>>>>bright green communicates as red.
>>>>As I am red-green colour-blind
>>>>
>>>>I can see olive green enshrined
>>>>in pale brown that, to you, is dead.
>>>>You think I will be left behind
>>>>
>>>>by October leaves, yet I find
>>>>them charming, uncomplicated.
>>>>As I am red-green colour-blind
>>>>you think I will be left behind.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
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