Hello Frank,
I like the way you present the narrative in this piece - the constant shifting of focus from her to him to the location to the weather and so on, and giving a small detail with each shift to build up the setting and the feelings. All that works very well I think. My only gripe concerns the opening few lines - midnight/afternoon/evening/late/night - all of these felt like just a bit too much info about the time of day. Otherwise itīs a smooth read.
Best wishes, Mike
dancing on a midnight pier - blackie and ms e
midnight
it's cold
but they're warm
an afternoon
an evening
it's night
and they haven't yet stopped talking
not taken
a pause hardly a breath
it's late
the night should close
but there's no hurry
he's found her hand
she is slowing her steps
and laughing
across the bridge
onto the pier
the wind is rising
but that's ok
he places her to lee
blocks out the worst of it
he's close
and she's awake
to where he's standing
she doesn't mind
hums a song aloud
feels like dancing
out there
on the midnight pier
below the lamp that illuminates
the water green
she twirls away
skirt thrown wide
her coat
a second skin
he follows in her steps
holds his arms up in the wind
to let the change blow through him
with a high-pitched cry
a bellow full of bluster
and he's glad
he can see it in her eyes
can feel it in the taste of salt
something good
something very good
has happened
~
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