Thanks Phillip,

I had a feeling last night after I hit the sack that midnight may have
featured too prominently. I'll do a little chop and change on that and
consider your other suggestions in a few moments.

Very pleased these pieces are still capable of holding attention and
enjoyable for the reader.

Cheers,

Frank


> Nice work, Frank! Holds attention right to the end.
>
> I would cut these lines (they don't add much, or is it just me):
>
> an afternoon
> an evening
> it's night
> ..............
> not taken
> a pause hardly a breath
>
> (I've also coledred them blue in the text below.)
>
> I'd drop the word "midnight" from the title (it's also your first line).
>
> Keep it up!
>
> Philip
>
> -------- Message d'origine--------
> De: Frank Faust [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
> Date: lun. 9/8/2003 10:05
> À: [log in to unmask]
> Cc:
> Objet: sub - dancing on a midnight pier - blackie and ms e
>
>
>
>
> dancing on a midnight pier - blackie and ms e
>
>
> midnight
> it's cold
> but they're warm
>
> an afternoon
> an evening
> it's night
> and they haven't yet stopped talking
> not taken
> a pause hardly a breath
>
> it's late
> the night should close
> but there's no hurry
> he's found her hand
> she is slowing her steps
> and laughing
>
> across the bridge
> onto the pier
> the wind is rising
> but that's ok
> he places her to lee
> blocks out the worst of it
> he's close
> and she's awake
> to where he's standing
> she doesn't mind
> hums a song aloud
>
> feels like dancing
> out there
> on the midnight pier
> below the lamp that illuminates
> the water green
> she twirls away
> skirt thrown wide
> her coat
> a second skin
>
> he follows in her steps
> holds his arms up in the wind
> to let the change blow through him
> with a high-pitched cry
> a bellow full of bluster
>
> and he's glad
> he can see it in her eyes
> can feel it in the taste of salt
> something good
> something very good
> has happened
>
> ~
>
>