Hi Mike,
I'm still enjoying reading this!
My only slight crits are the rhyme sound of "alone" and "room"! (on
suceeding lines means they get noticed - don't y think?)
and wondering why "submissive" isn't on the previous line - all other lines
seem more selfcontained and complete than these two about the bedcover.
And the only thing I keep thinking about more than that is wondering if the
title is OK. (Not that it's not OK. It's alright! I just sometimes wonder if
it could be replaced with something that's more alright!!!) But it's still
OK!
Bob
>From: Mike Horwood <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: Nervous
>Date: Fri, 5 Sep 2003 14:44:09 +0300
>
>Nervous
>
>Knowledge soaked deep into surfaces,
>saturating the curtains and floor,
>so that when he believed himself alone
>a thousand eyes watched him move about the room.
>
>The first intimation he received
>of this was contained,
>I might almost say, concealed,
>in the way the chairs looked at him.
>
>As if by reflex, he listened
>to the walls of silence.
>The bedcover´s attitude remained
>submissive. `Lie with me,´ it whispered.
>
>Doors and tables adopted
>a more inquisitorial tone
>but at the critical moment
>he chose to ignore it -
>
>it had been his constant plan
>to deny these odd appearances.
>He didn´t wish to be caught
>engaged in conversation with the furniture.
>
>
>
>
>
>Mike
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