Hi Colin,
         Thanks for the feedback. Your suggestions are receiving careful consideration.


Best wishes,   Mike




--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---
Mike, a racy little poem and quite well put together on closer inspection.
I'm unsure whether this is about someone losing touch with reality (in which
case a bit more paranoia would be in order) or whether it's very light
hearted fun. Please see below in caps with orig below that.

Colin


----- Original Message -----
From: "Mike Horwood" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, September 05, 2003 12:44 PM
Subject: New sub: Nervous

Nervous

Knowledge soaked deep into surfaces,
saturating the curtains and floor,
so that when he believed himself alone
a thousand eyes watched him move about the room.
SOME INCONSISTENCY IN THESE LAST 2 LINES. "BELIEVED HIMSELF ALONE" IS TOO
THOROUGH FOR WHAT FOLLOWS. SUGGEST "THOUGHT HIMSELF ALONE".

The first intimation he received
of this was contained,
I might almost say, concealed,
in the way the chairs looked at him.
MIGHT BE TOO CLEVER FOR ITS OWN GOOD. SUGGEST SOMETHING SIMPLER LIKE "THE
FIRST INTIMATION WAS IN THE WAY THE CHAIRS LOOKED AT HIM" EVEN IF THIS DOES
INVOLVE ADJUSTMENTS ELSEWHERE.

As if by reflex, he listened
to the walls of silence.
A BIT TOO CLEVER FOR ME. WHAT WOULD HE HEAR AND WHY WOULD IT BE A REFLEX?
The bedcover´s attitude remained
submissive. `Lie with me,´ it whispered.
LIKE THESE LAST 2 LINES

Doors and tables adopted
a more inquisitorial tone
but at the critical moment
he chose to ignore it -


it had been his constant plan
to deny these odd appearances.
He didn´t wish to be caught
engaged in conversation with the furniture.
GOOD DECISIVE ENDING




Mike
Nervous

Knowledge soaked deep into surfaces,
saturating the curtains and floor,
so that when he believed himself alone
a thousand eyes watched him move about the room.

The first intimation he received
of this was contained,
I might almost say, concealed,
in the way the chairs looked at him.

As if by reflex, he listened
to the walls of silence.
The bedcover´s attitude remained
submissive. `Lie with me,´ it whispered.

Doors and tables adopted
a more inquisitorial tone
but at the critical moment
he chose to ignore it -

it had been his constant plan
to deny these odd appearances.
He didn´t wish to be caught
engaged in conversation with the furniture.





Mike