Hello Barbara,
              Yes, your point is a good one. This may well be a case of me being myopic again. If you´ve consciously used the `s´ sounds then stay with them. I think what may have first started me off was the combination `the night´s sigh´. In my own writing I always try to avoid a word ending with `s´ followed by another starting with `s´ because one `s ´ gets lost in pronunciation or it sounds unduly long and exaggerated. However, that may well just be my private obsession. If you have worked out the effect you want, go for it and don´t let my ramblings influence you against your better judgement ;-)


Best wishes,   Mike


--- Alkuperäinen viesti ---

Mike, do you think it is only in the first two lines because I hear the "s" 
in line 5 of both stanzas as well.  In fact I think it is the "s" sound that is 
scattered throughout that gives it its wistful tone...

Thank you for your kind words, I will look at the first two lines but as yet 
don't see what you are seeing. 

Barbara


> Hello Barbara,
>        You´ve got a nice melancholy and wistful tone in a short space here. 
> One thing that struck me, which you might like to think over, is all the `s´ 
> sounds in the opening two lines. Do they dominate the sound and rhythm too 
> much?
> 
> 
> 
> Best wishes,   Mike
> 
> 
> 
> --- Alkuperäinen viesti ---
> 
> An older one that I've taken out and messed with some.  All c&c welcome.
> 
> Barbara
> 
> 
> Longing
> 
> across the cool night's sigh
> sad sax music gently bleeds
> wraps its aching arms
> around you and me
> whispers its promise oh so soft
> for all that might have been
> 
> let's pretend
> 
> pretend for just this moment
> that you and I are happy
> remember the taste and trail
> of fingertips down the keys
> play the smooth and silky notes
> of love with ease
> 
> BBO
> 8/02
> 
> 
> 
> 
>