My thought on this - consistent right through - was that I'd like to read it
in present tense. --Frank
Frank, in the rewrite the last half present tense.
*
This is the kind of poem that needs to be written and read, I guess, in our
times - a reminder and also an echo of how villified some
muslims/arabs/asians feel right now in western culture. (Is villified the
right word? Dunno. Chose another that describes what's happening right where
you are?)
-Bob
Bob, There is a lot to learn from these stories.
*
gut shot protecting his grandfather.***after all this what? An incomplete
> thought that stops the flow rather abruptly...not sure about this. Maybe
> you
> need a comma here instead of a period?
-Barbara
Barbara, considerable rewrite around these S ends.
*
Were there
lots of fires? Might need to expand a little. But these are just quibbles.
The poem as a whole has a lot of impact.
Colin
Colin, there were lots of fires/riots.
Thanks all for the read.
Gary
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