Thanks Colin for the thoughts.
kol tuv, Ryfkah
In a message dated 09.02.03 10:28:47 AM, [log in to unmask] writes:
<< Ryfkah,
A fine ironic piece. I suggest removal of "you" on L4 S2 and "marvellous" in
L4 S3. The you is incongruous IMO and the marvellous is superfluous, again
IMO.
I like the symmetry of this poem on two levels, firstly between the names at
the beginning and the names at the end and secondly as an expression of
sexual politics. All the masculine names could be switched with the feminine
and it would remain a cogent poem.
Colin
PS typo in marvellous. >>
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