Ryfkah,
A fine ironic piece. I suggest removal of "you" on L4 S2 and "marvellous" in
L4 S3. The you is incongruous IMO and the marvellous is superfluous, again
IMO.
I like the symmetry of this poem on two levels, firstly between the names at
the beginning and the names at the end and secondly as an expression of
sexual politics. All the masculine names could be switched with the feminine
and it would remain a cogent poem.
Colin
PS typo in marvellous.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Ryfkah *" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, September 01, 2003 5:16 PM
Subject: New: Dear Stan
> Dear Stan
>
> Dear Stan,
>
> I'm sorry to call you
> Steve, Sam and silly.
> I know you don't love
> me like you love money,
> work or even peanut
> butter and jelly with pickles.
>
> Stan, your mother phoned.
> I told her nobody by that
> name lives here. I thought
> I lived with you, Steve;
> forgot all about Stan and Sam.
>
> When war is
> forgotten and you remember
> me, I'll name you magnificent,
> marvelous, my prince of peace.
> In the meantime, I wish I could
> just say Stan
> and keep you in mind.
>
> Yours truly, Marilyn, Mary or Marla Ryfkah 8/31/03
>
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