Hi Philip,
A neat revision! (But do you have to proclaim it's a villanelle right at the 
start? I think that became a distraction...)
I really like the phrase:
"But in my canopy of mind
bright green communicates as red."
the words work powerfully for me.
I'm not too sure about the word "rear" tho... It feels very cliche'ish. 
Couldn't it just be "shows" (or something like that)
Bob
Who also liked the way its villanelleness was almost hidden in the first 
version - and the poetry skirmishes about purity of form are always fought 
(and seldom won).




>From: Philip Burton <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: new submission: THE SIGHT OF AUTUMN (second draft)
>Date: Thu, 2 Jan 2003 20:18:56 +0000
>
>THE SIGHT OF AUTUMN….  (second draft)
>
>     - a villanelle
>
>
>As I am red-green colour-blind -
>or ‘colour challenged’ be it said.
>You think I will be left behind
>
>when a palette of hues, unkind
>as showy Autumn’s, rears its head.
>As I am red-green colour-blind
>
>you think that russets must incline
>to show me nothing much instead?
>You think I will be left behind.
>
>But in my canopy of mind
>bright green communicates as red.
>As I am red-green colour-blind
>
>I can see olive green enshrined
>in pale brown that, to you, is dead.
>You think I will be left behind
>
>by October leaves, yet I find
>them charming, uncomplicated.
>As I am red-green colour-blind
>you think I will be left behind.
>
>
>
>
>
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