Dear Gary,
I have no problems with the metaphor, but feel the poem needs thightening
eg in S1 you seem to be suggesteing the luggage is for sale 'discount
binned', while in the rest of the poem it seems to be well used. If you are
luggage, shouldn't that be 'my pull handle in S2? I think you have to go
whole hog.
The last line:
I desire to be a backpack
sounds very stilted to me.
want, perhaps, rather than desire,
or
I am luggage, wishing to be a backpack.
Kind reagrds,
grasshopper
----- Original Message -----
From: "Gary Blankenship" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, August 18, 2003 11:16 PM
Subject: [THE-WORKS] new: I Am Luggage
I Am Luggage
I am luggage
discount binned
gray fabric
a small tear bottom right
coffee stain on the shoulder
one wheel wobbly
the other straight and true
fluorescent green thread on a handle
to stand out from the crowd
the pull handle sticks in droughts
nothing a shot of WD-40 can't fix
lock lost
the key saved
key misplaced
the lock in a junk drawer
zipper ready to separate
to spill the contents on a carousel
underwear and socks
to go round and round
until the magic ring is grabbed
I am luggage
stored in the closet
beneath winter sweaters
summer fans
used wrapping paper
and tangled ribbon
I am luggage
I desire to be a backpack
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