Shah,
The rhymes are well sustained. However, I'm not so happy about the
associations within each stanza, apart from those in S3. In S3 they seem to
convey something meaningful, the absence of love as a drought. But heat and
ego? Divided face and summer? Clout of ego baffles me too. Not sure how
touch emits coolness. How about transmits?
Colin
----- Original Message -----
From: "c s shah" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Tuesday, August 19, 2003 5:16 PM
Subject: NEW:THE TOUCH
> The Touch
>
> Heat simmers
> and burns deep,
> clout of ego persists.
>
> Divided face
> and dried emotions,
> the summer of life imprints.
>
> Broken heart
> and parched earth,
> the drought of love inflicts.
>
> First raindrop
> and fragrance divine,
> coolness the touch emits.
> --
>
> c s shah
>
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