I think this works pretty well. It really comes together with the closing
line, which I think is a real cracker. I sometimes thing the importance of a
closing line or sequence is underestimated - I really like them to lead me
back into the poem and what has been said before - a sort of closing of the
circle. This does that - to my satisfaction, at least.
Cheers,
Frank
Frank, thanks, a final line can do it much as you do so well
*
Well, have I messed with this or what? I hope you will forgive me...lol I
felt there were some really good lines and images going here but at times
they
are followed by lines that water them down. I have marked them above, but I
would edit this and make it tighter and more intense.
Barbara
Barbara, thanks very much. Every nit helps.
Gary
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