Colin, this is powerful and deeply felt. I will not probe the origins. Your
emotional response has pushed you a little too far in places. Some thoughts
in text below that might cauterise this a little. Its good powerful stuff
but needs tightening.Good stuff, though,Arthur
----- Original Message -----
From: "Colin dewar" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, August 18, 2003 8:42 PM
Subject: newsub/flowers and fruit
> Flowers and fruit. (contains some offensive images)
>
>
> Straight pavements, almost polished
> are corridors I admire with their
> artful flowers and borders,
> tended from year to year.
>
> Waves of flowers wash to the high tide of my feet,
> make good a neighbourhood from dull ground,
> shrug off butchery and other realms
> where wielded weapons gleam
> and thieves barter under bridges.
>
> But behind white windows
> a little of ( DROP 'A LITTLE OF' YOU USE IT AGAIN ALMOST IMMEDIATELY JUST
WRITE 'WHERE' WHICH ALSO HELPS THE SYNTAX)the darkness of caves gathers,
> lives the infant
> whose father penetrates her with a broken bottle
> while mother holds her down,
> the dog whose wagging tail( ANNOYED),
> and ( was) chopped off on a block,
> watched with a vacuous grin.
>
> A little of the crypt and mugger's den
> have escaped indoors,
> have ( dELETE 'HAVE')made their way to the decorated room.
> The years of abuse
> are( DELETE 'ARE') like tobacco smoke that marks the wall,
> go on and on and are endured.( JUST'ENDURE')
>
> Dark heart of the rose that soft petals hide
> breathes foul odour beneath( THROUGH?) the sweetness.
> Some fruit never ripens but rots from the core
> that the knife will not slice
> nor sun bleach (by light of day DELETE).
>
>
> _____________________________
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