Many thanks Bob, Gerald, Ryfkah, Gary and Ann for your very kind remarks about my "Dusk Raga." To answe your question, Bob -- this is in fact an earlier piece than the other ones that I have posted. But I have strange stylistic compulsions and write in a few different styles, which I hope add up to a coherent whole in the long run (as in my recent book). But it's very interesting for me to get this sort of feedback -- spontaneous responses to individual poems -- for which I am very grateful.
By the way, I have noticed that emails from my other email account (Fulcrum Annual), which I use for the journal's lit. announcements, have not been getting through to the list. Is there a list policy against announcements? I am new here, so please forgive the ignorance.
All the very best to all!
Philip
-------- Message d'origine--------
De: Bob Cooper [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
Date: mar. 8/12/2003 12:20
À: [log in to unmask]
Cc:
Objet: Re: Dusk Raga
Hi Philip,
Maybe it's that I'm getting used to your style - but it could also be that
there's so much more control in this piece - because this one seems to flow
so easily. I like it: the verve of phrases like "the question of a star
shines through the smog," and "Vague autorikshaws hooting out of sight"
(vague's a great adjective here! as is "bedraggled" for the "corners"!).
And the way rhyme introduces itself to the ends of lines - but doesn't seem
to bully the phrasing or become more important to the ear than the sense is
impressive. It's a light unintrusive touch.
I'm gripped by the line: "at nightfall the world isn't what it seems." and I
also get a slight Audenesque mood about the whole thing (which is meant as a
compliment not an insult!) perhaps, but not only, because of your last line
in particular and something he wrote about reindeer...
As a nit... the only line I felt awkward with was: "eyes in their speaking
sparkling millions/ find me" (maybe too many s's. "s" is a tough sound to
control, they keep cropping up! Maybe because the sound's used for plurals
as well as appearing easily inside words as well.)
Is this a more recent poem?
Bob
P.S. I haven't seen your posts for a while. Hope you're not one of those
sending comments in that Arthur senses are missing!
>From: Philip Nikolayev <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Dusk Raga
>Date: Sun, 10 Aug 2003 11:29:18 -0400
>
>DUSK RAGA
>
>Just as the lonely, wicked, wild and glad
>eyes know and do not know by letting drop
>in every detail of their daily dread
>the flowering and rainfall and mishap
>of birth, there's a benignness comes about
>the streets. Well-lined eyelashes flutter by
>like Kali's black bewildering butterfly
>and life is tantra to the marrow, but
>I do not know myself. The slow and fast
>warm intersections squirm with liquid ease,
>melt away. The gods cannot undo the past.
>But I'll refrain from feigning expertise.
>Past bougainvillaeas, samsara's saris float
>lighter than magic in my tragic dreams.
>My heart has killed a goat at Kalighat.
>At nightfall, the world isn't what it seems.
>Vague autorikshaws hooting out of sight
>and back, I pause to stare at life at these
>bedraggled corners in the red-light night,
>but will refrain from feigning expertise.
>All day, eyes in their speaking sparkling millions
>find mine, but at dusk differences are
>less clear, voices more similar, dark darshans
>finally over. No one can tell I'm near.
>The flower-shop shut, my bidi crushed, I hide
>in sultry shadows. The question of a star
>shines through the smog. These people understand
>I'm somewhere but don't know exactly where.
>And I, I could not help them if they asked.
>The faster beats the heart. So fast. So fast.
>
>
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