Colin, you ask Could it be chopped up
differently and if so, why?
Any free form work can. You could do radical enjambment, a severe mix of
long/short lines. but it in a more uniform syllable count, etc. Here
No evidence that boar and bear
were ever here. A few tame trees
and this small percentage of green remain.
Magpies and grey squirrels have colonised it,
at home equally on rough-cast and gritted roof.
I see different stanza sets to avoid the break at bear. The S break is a
longer pause in a read and the this pause does nothing.
Cats slink from door flaps to prowl on the shed ridge.
Song bird and butterfly were evicted
long ago. The land bears this irritation on its flank.
The wind tolerates its resistance.
You could break at prowl, irritation or butterfly. Each will give a
different feel to the work.
Good luck.
Gary
IF MY MAIL BOUNCES, MAIL [log in to unmask] AS AN ALTERNATIVE.....The homepage
on hold until ???--- Writer's Hood at http://www.writershood.com/.....Check
out the Auden contest. Poets for Peace.... ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
|
