I thought the phrase 'I sing the body electric' came from Walt Whitman?
the point of the poem is to comment on a very trivial incident and not to
take it all so seriously.
Dachau was a serious place, but so are the prisons and asylums we have with
us now. I am being governed by ultimately trivial rules, but was >Dachau
not a kind of anti-cathedral to trivial rules? The first thing that the
Führer denied the Jews, or one of the first, was asparagus. Would the
Führer not be delighted by this scale of denial at Dachau today? or should
we be so serious? it's an interesting question, for me, but please don't
let me interrupt your beer or lychee soup, please enjoy yourself.
>From: Scott Smithson <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: rules and asparagus
>Date: Fri, 8 Aug 2003 07:03:26 -0700
>
>Hi, Paul.
>I appreciate what you are trying to do here.
>A couple notes.
>"body electric" is fairly common. In fact, there is an entire
>workshop/seminar system in the US called that for people to learn to
>experience, well, erotic massage. I'd think before using that particular
>phrase.
>
>"Here poets got laid" - this is colloquial phraseology. The rest of the
>poem is a bit more formal in its language. I'd suggest coming up with
>something more in tune with the rest of the poem.
>
>"Are these lime trees"? makes the reader wonder where exactly the speaker
>is. There are no lime trees in Dachau, that is certain. My inclincation
>is to put the speaker in the present, sitting on a beach in Miami or
>something, pondering his losses over his life, including the pending loss
>of a lover. However, that's a tenuous interpretation especially given the
>"Here" and now state of the poem earlier. Maybe a revision could make that
>a little clearer.
>
>This is serious subject which has unfortunate relevance even today. This
>poem needs some tightening up, though.
>
>Scott
>--
>
>--------- Original Message ---------
>
>DATE: Fri, 8 Aug 2003 13:33:04
>From: paul murphy <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Cc:
>
> >AT DACHAU
> >
> >kein Liquiderung - Heinrich Himmler
> >
> >Here truths were raped
> >Here bodies disappeared
> >Here graves were dug
> >Here trees plug
> >Each stinking bathwater sunset
> >Here banality begets banality
> >Here each mortal thought
> >Is occluded.
> >
> >Here Judas was bought
> >Here words were sought
> >Here fortunes were made
> >Here poets got laid.
> >
> >Are these lime trees?
> >Is this a sunset?
> >
> >My fingers sing my body electric
> >Three lovers and one is dying.
> >
> >Here the bus driver forbade me
> >To eat my ice lollipop
> >On the bus on the road to Dachau.
> >
> >
> >Paul Murphy
> >
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